The Un-Love Letter

A heart carved into the sand on a beach, washed away by waves

What It Feels Like When Someone Dies Without a Plan

When someone you love dies without a plan, grief is just the beginning. Suddenly, you're thrust into the role of investigator, accountant, tech support, and family mediator. You may have to figure out their final wishes because they never communicated them to you. You have to locate important paperwork, access accounts you don’t have passwords for, and make countless decisions about their home and belongings—many of them urgent and expensive.

This is what it’s like when a loved one dies without a will, without a legacy plan, and without leaving any instructions. You’re grieving and overwhelmed, and now you have to untangle someone else’s entire life in the dark. It feels like the opposite of a love letter.

I wrote a piece from the imagined perspective of the person who didn’t plan ahead. It’s a cautionary tale with a little dark humor, and it’s meant to show how easily the best intentions can turn into an enormous burden for the people we care about most.

We don’t avoid planning because we don’t care. We avoid it because it feels hard, scary, or premature. But when we leave our families to clean up the mess, we’re handing them extra stress at the worst possible moment. And much of it is avoidable.

Legacy planning isn’t about perfection. It’s about reducing the guesswork for the people we love. That could look like having a will, organizing important documents, naming digital legacy contacts for your online accounts, or just jotting down a few key wishes. These small actions can save your family enormous time, money, and heartache.

If you’ve been meaning to get organized but haven’t started yet, let this be your nudge. You don’t need to do everything overnight—but doing something today makes a difference tomorrow.

Want help getting started? I’ve got a free Peace of Mind Planner to guide you through the first steps.